Blurb Coaching – The Rock of Achill

I’ve been sharing the blurb coaching series from A Writer’s Path Writers Club, and this is the next in the series. To learn more about how your blurb can be coached, click here. Enjoy!

NZAUS trip 095 by kconnors

Genre: Historical Fantasy

Title: The Rock of Achill

Original Blurb: An Irish tale you’ve never been told. A boy joins a crew of escaped prisoners as they set sail to restore an ancient kingdom.

As the last days of mythical Ireland draw to a close, experience the collision of the magical and early nineteenth century worlds. You’ll follow your hero, Donn, as he defeats legendary creatures trying to prevent the recovery of the lost treasures of the Tuatha de Danann. Through foamy seas, holy knights of a former age sail for glory and God. In the chaotic time of Europe’s struggle for liberty, during the Napoleonic Age, find these Irish rebels cutting through Barbary pirates and faery guardians alike. From witches to demons they ride their horses, noble of spirit, past the perils that lie in wait. Will Donn, after years of high adventure, return to his beloved and reclaim his family land?

With dancing faeries and a mischievous clurichaun, this romantic, historical fantasy is sure to awaken your heart.

Original Blurb with Coaching Comments in Bold and Brackets:

An Irish tale you’ve never been told. [You might want this to be on a line by itself so it reads as an introduction to the blurb, letting you get away with a different style than the body of the blurb itself.] A boy joins a crew of escaped prisoners as they set sail to restore an ancient kingdom. [It might be nice to know how the boy joins the crew. Is it a willing thing? Or does he get kidnapped? Is he happy about it? Or does he tag along, not knowing who they are and what they’re after?]

As the last days of mythical Ireland draw to a close, experience the collision of the magical and early nineteenth century worlds. [This is great! It nicely indicates where the story is set and what time period readers will find inside the pages. Nicely done!] You’ll follow your hero, Donn, as he defeats legendary creatures trying to prevent the recovery of the lost treasures of the Tuatha de Danann. [You might want to clarify this line to make it clear who Donn is—is he the boy mentioned earlier? And is his defeating them a “given” thing? If not, you don’t want to spoil the story by giving too much away here.] Through foamy seas, holy knights of a former age sail for glory and God. In the chaotic time of Europe’s struggle for liberty, during the Napoleonic Age, find these Irish rebels cutting through Barbary pirates and faery guardians alike. [I like how you balance the historical dangers with otherworldly ones, helping readers know what kind of genre and book they’re in for here while reminding readers what was going on in Europe at the time. Nicely done and very effective!]

From witches to demons they ride their horses, noble of spirit, past the perils that lie in wait. [You might want to make the action a bit clearer. Are they mostly on the high seas, like the mention of pirates and setting sail indicated? Or are they on horseback? And are they holy knights or escaped prisoners? You’ll want readers to leave your blurb with a clear idea of who is doing what in the story itself.] Will Donn, after years of high adventure, return to his beloved and reclaim his family land? [I like how this indicates some of the challenges he faces, namely, that his family land is at stake. You want the blurb to indicate what’s at stake for the main character and why we should root for him like this as part of the blurb.]

With dancing faeries and a mischievous clurichaun, this romantic, historical fantasy is sure to awaken your heart. [I like how you establish that the book is going to be both romantic and a historical fantasy, and the summing up concept here is just what you want.]

Photo courtesy of kconnors

 

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